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Wise Words

January 19, 2009

I have received a good deal of (very good) advice these past few weeks. It seems greedy to keep it to myself. And so, without further delay, I give you wise words for the year ahead:

Eat Jello, but don’t make friends with it.

Only associate with good eggs, and the associates of good eggs.

Make a burger-eating schedule then stick to it. Never cheat on the burger schedule.

Apologising for doing something bad is not the same as being good.

Never underestimate the restorative power of Break-Up Shoes.

Kittens: they will get in your house and fuck shit up, but they will also win your unconditional love. In short, kittens rule.

If he is a man, and he is in a bar, and you are in a bar and the man is speaking to you, and you did not arrive with the man, and it is late, and you have had drinks, and the man has had drinks, then 9 times out of 10, the man is hoping he will leave with you. Even the nice men.

Street food will do you wrong. Every time.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. Shivs permalink
    January 19, 2009 8:36 pm

    I also had my soul crushed by learning that if you’re in bed with a man, even if he is your best friend – nay your-almost-brother best friend, and you’re trying to sleep, he is thinking about sleeping with you. Even the most platonic situation cannot be trusted. Devastating.

  2. Amanda permalink
    January 19, 2009 10:06 pm

    Oh, Shivs, so true!

    When the movie “Superbad” came out, and there was a scene with the boy characters discussing how they want to screw all the girl characters, even the ones they are “just friends” with…I had a conversation with our dearly beloved Cleaver Monkey gang.

    And…to my dismay…the boys assured me that from 1988 through 1998, anytime I thought we were discussing politics, gender roles, fashion, urban planning, the environment, and fucking the system…they were thinking about fucking me…and you…and the other girls in our gang.


  3. looka permalink
    January 20, 2009 9:49 am

    That's one reason I was not so popular with my teenage gang friends: I was far to slow to do the one night thing and possibly to nerdy to get why it makes you so awesome the next day in school.
    Also, I kinda realized early that love/sex partners (and friends) are people too, which made it harder to play along in the right speed as well.

    SECRET: I grew up with only girls around me. I didn't understand people better just by that, but I heard and saw what junk can come of by being an &$§ boy.

    Well, to reffer to the past right, I'm no saint in relationship correctness, BUT I was never one to like/make pickup lines/talks. Nor was I someone to "make a move, man"…

  4. Amanda permalink
    January 20, 2009 10:29 am

    Simon, I am sure you have grown up to be a perfect gentleman.

    : )

  5. looka permalink
    January 20, 2009 10:41 am

    Thanks, but don’t ask E about that… hmhm

  6. Pants and Tie permalink
    January 21, 2009 12:50 pm

    Against my better judgment (and because I am bored at work) I wade into the fray…

    Two things: 1)many boys really do have platonic relationships with girls, but there is clear societal pressure on heterosexual boys/girls to “see if it might work” and there is continued societal pressure to “play” if you’re a boy and to “not be easy”, if you’re a girl. These are somewhat oppositional forces that may or may not accord with what individuals actually want.
    2) Just because a boy at some point thought about sleeping with a girl, that doesn’t mean that’s ALL he thought about her…

  7. Kimberly M. Wetherell permalink
    January 27, 2009 11:56 pm

    Wise words of advice: all.

    Especially the break-up shoes and the burgers. 🙂

    ps: You, too can be a flaming redhead (like I was going to advertise that on TNB) !!!

    Superior Preference by L’Oreal. Light Auburn. Best $9.99 spent ANYWHERE.


  8. Amanda permalink
    January 28, 2009 10:40 am

    Hmmm–perhaps in Wise Words: Part II, becoming a red-head in 2009 will top the list!

    : )


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