The Vermin Ranch
He: They’re back.
Me: Who’s back?
He: Them. The maggots.
Me: Oh, honey, that’s disgusting!
He: You’re telling me! They’re all over the place: in the cereal, in the sink, in everything. Everything!
Me: Well, sweetheart, the reason the maggots keep returning is…hang on. No conversation should include that phrase. Jesus!
He: I know, I know.
Me: It’s like you’re operating a vermin ranch in your pantry. Do the maggots have brands so you know which ones are yours and which ones belong next door? Are they harnessed and wearing little saddles?
He: Very funny.
Me: Thank you. By the way, I am not helping you clean the kitchen this time.
He: Ohhhh come on, pleeeeez? Pretty please, with a cherry on top?
Me: Don’t ever mention cherries and maggots in the same sentence! You’ll ruin sundaes forever!