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Don’t Give Me Milk

May 19, 2009

When we were small, the duller kids showed up for school with notes pinned to their sweaters. “Don’t give me milk,” for instance, or, “I live at 222 Sutton Street”. Faced with blank and boogery stares, teachers and other supervisors could refer to these slips of paper for back-up:

“Derek, are you permitted to have peanut butter?”

(sniff, sniffle, silence…head tilted a little, shoulders shrug to indicate…to indicate what? Yes? No? Never had it before? I need to use the toilet?)

“Ah yes, here we go…’Nuts will send me into shock. I have a special needle in my knapsack just in case.’ Ok, I suppose you should have the egg salad then.”

Since then, we have grown taller, filled out, smoothed out the cowlicks in our hair. We’ve attained degrees and purchased homes, trained ourselves to shop for groceries and wake up for the office on time. And still, we continue to shrug our shoulders, act on impulses, make bad decisions and engage in uncritical behaviour.

Little notes might come in handy in adult situations–“Do not serve me after five gin and tonics”, “I have a meeting at nine tomorrow morning”, “I live at 222 Sutton Street”. Bartenders, companions, colleagues and taxi drivers could read our little tags and help us safely navigate our nights and days.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. looka permalink
    May 19, 2009 10:43 am

    If that is to indicate that I need a batch that will make people kick mey shins (lighly!) to remind me to write you more often when they read it – I got it stuck to me! Hahahahaah

  2. Carrie permalink
    May 19, 2009 3:18 pm

    “needs private time”
    “no lectures please”
    “lives in sin”
    “do not attempt conversation before 9 am”
    “needs extra sun”

  3. Amanda permalink
    May 19, 2009 3:30 pm

    “I am 5’7″. If you are shorter, it’s because you fibbed about your own height, not that I don’t know how big I am.”

    “Make mine a double.”

    “Do not administer caffeine after 10 am.”

    “Looks cute in green, dreadful in yellow.”

    “For a good time, please call…”

    “Slower, please, and with more intensity.”

  4. looka permalink
    May 20, 2009 2:08 am

    CARRIE: Are you adding those up to me?

    AMES: Maybe some yellow, but not this ONE!

  5. Carrie permalink
    May 20, 2009 1:40 pm

    Simon: everybody looks good in that one. I wore it yesterday here in Toulouse…

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