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Too Corporeal for Comfort

October 5, 2009

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We all have bodies. Most of our bodies have roughly the same parts and do roughly the same things, especially the less-savoury stuff. We all make poo, we all drool, we all have armpits and hairs and bits that we prefer not to discuss. And yet, some things remain just too bodily, too boundary transgressing, too corporeal for comfort.

For instance:

1. warm toilet seats toasted by a bum not your own

2. deodorant streaks on dark shirts in shop fitting rooms, which you notice only once you’ve pulled the garment over your head and which were not made by your armpits since you know you don’t use that variety of product…the same goes for lipstick on shirt plackets and beige foundation on necklines and collars

3. shoes made hot inside by someone else’s feet, like the other night when A. and I were playing Fashion Show with newly purchased heels and decided to swap and try each other’s out

4. my colleague who begins each and every day loudly discussing her various ailments, ticking off a list that begins with vomit as a general concept, then moves on to nearly vomiting but being spared at the last second, perpetually feeling on the verge of vomiting, overnight instances of vomiting, hours spent in the ladies’ room, what happens while she is there, phlegm and its array of hues and viscosities, cramps, sweat and fainting

5. my friend D.’s gorgeous baby girl who yesterday laughed in my face despite her wretched cold, then suddenly and swiftly sneezed, landing a big baby booger right in the middle of my tongue…ok, disgusting as it was, this was also very funny, but if I come down with Baby L.’s virus, I am taking a taxi to her house, where I expect her daddy to wipe my nose and carry me around the kitchen while petting my head and telling me, “there, there, baby, I know you feel yucky but we’ll fix you some soup and you’ll be all better soon!”

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