Skip to content

The Secret of Being a Good Conversationalist

October 11, 2009

IMG_1899

Part Four: a very special dating brochure fell into my hands, and it was just too good to keep to myself.

Ok, now you have picked up your girl, secured a first date, lied about your profession, and need to keep the talk flowing smoothly. According to the brochure, it’s as easy as memorising a few questions and keeping them at the ready:

***

THE SECRET OF BEING A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST:

“If you want to be a good conversationalist, make a list. These questions will make you look interesting in her eyes:

1. Could you help me?

2. Do you like music?

3. Do you enjoy watching people dance?

4. You dance very well. Have you taken lessons?

5. Have you always worn your hair in that beautiful style?

6. Could I come shopping with you some day?

7. Can you drive a car?

8. What kind of cars do you like?

9. What are you favourite TV programmes?

10. How can I contact you again?

11. What is your telephone number?

12. What good movies are playing this week?

13. Where is your favourite place to dine?

14. Do you live by yourself or with friends?”

***

Well, number two might paint you as a bit of a wallflower, and the young lady is unlikely to draw you a map to her home or tell you much about her living situation if things are just getting off the ground, but your keen interest in shopping, hair dressing, and television are sure to gain some ground.

The brochure later cautions against diving into politics, religion “or any other subjects dealing with faith”, and suggests that the ability to keep things away from heavy subjects while never ceasing to ask questions will make you an excellent conversationalist. In a very general sense, none of this advice is bad; yet, the overall tone of evasion, diversion, little white lies and covert checking-her-out advocated by the brochure also suggests that in the arena of politics and touchy subjects, its target audience might have a few things to hide.

Along with a shitty job, sweaty palms, weird neckties and a tendency to “show one’s desperate frustration on the front of one’s trousers” (more on that in future posts), a man is best keeping his dodgy political views and positions on silly things like Jesus and women’s rights tucked carefully away. At least until he’s picked up the girl and they have gone together awhile. Then, presumably, the gloves are off.

So, you have your girl, and you’ve started a conversation. But how to hold her attention? This is where things become a little more advanced, and best kept till another day…

Advertisements
7 Comments leave one →
  1. jon09 permalink
    October 11, 2009 10:19 pm

    I just finished catching up on your blog/life, I know I’ve said it before but still like the way you write, I hope you never stop. Also, I guess I’m kinda glad that none of my dating blunders were used on your post… Whew!
    Vive la France!

    • welltailored permalink*
      October 14, 2009 1:46 pm

      How do you know none of your dating details are in there? haha…only joking…any of the ones I used were such incredibly standouts of assishness that if the perpetrators read about themselves here, they would surely recognise their actions.

      : )

  2. October 13, 2009 3:48 am

    HELP! I have launched all questions on the list in consecutive order and, aaand it didn’t, like, work?!?!?

    Question: Do I need to wait for an answer?

    “Could I come shopping with you some day?” Seriously, COULD? Sounds like: “Could I come along for the peek while you change?”

    Brrrrr, this stuff is starting to catch on with me!

  3. October 13, 2009 7:51 pm

    “Do you enjoy watching people cry?”

    • welltailored permalink*
      October 13, 2009 7:52 pm

      “What’s that between your teeth?”

      “Are you always this charming?”

      “Do you always wear your hair in that beautiful dad-like style?”

      “Are you often sober enough to drive a car?”

  4. October 15, 2009 5:11 pm

    “Do you like islands?”
    “Did you know that bedbugs reproduce by forcible insemination?”
    “Does your front door have a deadbolt or will I be able to card my way in?”
    “What is your Social Security number?”

Trackbacks

  1. The Secret of Holding Her Attention « Well Tailored Cakes and Neckties

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: