The Secret of Holding Her Attention
Part Five: a very special dating brochure fell into my hands, and it was just too good to keep to myself.
So, you’ve got the conversation flowing, and now you reach a crucial point in your dating trajectory, the fork where things can go very, very right, or oh-so very wrong. In fact, this bit is something a fellow needs to plan ahead for, anticipate, take care of in advance, because waiting till he meets that special girl walking down the sidewalk, lays his best line on her, wins her attention and earns himself a coffee date…by now, if he hasn’t prepared properly, it is too late. Behold:
THE SECRET OF HOLDING HER ATTENTION:
“After you have figured out some questions you want to ask her [see here for a helpful list], how are you going to hold her attention? It is very straightforward. LOOK INTO HER EYES! It has been said that the eyes are the window to the heart. Watch her eyes when you have her attention. She has to be looking into your eyes, too. Practice looking into girls’ eyes – start with every girl around you. Don’t state, that is not necessary, but people will follow your eyes, and watch your hand and body actions. When you meet a person, imagine you are looking into a mirror. Whatever gestures you use, that is what is being observed by them. Practice your movements in front of a mirror.
When you stand looking into a mirror, this is what people see when they see you. So clean up your act! If your hair is untidy, make it presentable. Fingernails should be cleaned – no girl wants dirty fingers roaming all over her body! I have had more than one girl tell me that the first things they notice about a man are his teeth.”
This is all good, sound advice. Clean up your act, indeed! Sort out that unruly hair, scrub around your collar and clean your fingernails, and tuck in that shirt tail. And yes, what you do is what people see – there is no magic bubble around you, which reinterprets your gestures and converts you into less of a slob or pervert or weirdo. If you’ve got a tick, chances are, we notice it. If you pick your nose, tug at your crotch, twirl a lock of hair or bite your lips, we see that, too. The rough part is, I can’t help but imagine legions of pokey, shy men standing in front of their mirrors and acting out contrived and hopeless gestures in hopes of polishing their appearance and landing a mate. As easy to make fun of as this brochure is, there is a heartbreaking desperation to it, as well, the target reader a tragic, lonely man in his squalid bachelor flat, tucking in his shirt and nodding to his reflection in the mirror while saying, “How do you do, miss? Isn’t this a lovely day?” while slowly gesturing with his right hand, carving a gentle, waist-high arc through the air as though sweeping some papers aside.
On a lighter note, I agree – staring is poor form. Don’t do it! The difference between comfortable eye contact and predatory staring is a wide and yawning canyon. Now, back to the state of a man’s teeth.
“After all, if you want to kiss her when you first meet, you had better get those teeth in g ood shape. If you’re not too sure about your breath, use a mouthwash. No girl wants to lay beside a guy that’s got Jungle Mouth! You can wear clothes that suit you and your mood. That is acceptable for your image, but make sure they are clean. One girl I interviewed told me she met a man she could really go for – his hair was presentable, this teeth and mouth very kissable, but there was only one thing wrong with this fellow. Would you believe he had some white spots on the front of his pants, right beside the fly! She thought he must be so hard-up that he plays with himself, and if he’s that hard-up to get a girl, she couldn’t be bothered with him. Don’t leave tell-tale marks on the front of your pants to advertise your frustrations.”
That’s right, boys. If you must play with yourself, be sure and hide the evidence. No matter how presentable your hair or kissable your teeth, if a lady can tell you’ve been wanking, she’s never going to let you hold her attention.