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Girls Get Lonely

October 15, 2009

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Part Eight: a very special dating brochure fell into my hands, and it was just too good to keep to myself.

All this dating advice I’m laying on you is fine, but what is a shy man to do? Sure, it might work, approaching a girl on the street, asking for her assistance, then taking her arm and gently guiding her to a nearby café. But what if the very idea makes you drip cold sweat?

You need only keep in mind one simple piece of information, and you’ll realise your worries are over!

GIRLS GET LONELY

“Yes, girls get very lonely. Maybe every time you see a good-looking chick stroll by, you think to yourself, gee, she looks happy and secure, and I’ll bet she has lots of dates. Well, if that is what you’re thinking, you’re out of your mind. Women are fragile creatures. If they are not dating, they get terribly lonely and depressed. They don’t have exciting jobs, they don’t have handsome men around them all day long. So, they depend much more on deep personal relationships. In short, girls want to fall in love. It’s their whole life. They depend on love more than men do.”

***

Ah-ha! I keep forgetting, I am a delicate flower fed by love and starved in its absence. Those days when I feel cruddy and blue? If only I were more receptive to that guy out front of the Portuguese sports bar down the block from my house, the one in the undershirt and nylon snappy-pants smoking and butting his cigarette in a can of sand, then my troubles would be over! If only I let myself be picked up by the next man who tries, I would be less lonely, and a “deep personal relationship” would be mine!

Ok, so, girls get lonely. But, as the brochure points out, that’s not the only thing we get:

***

GIRLS GET SEXY

“This may shock many of you. Do you know that women get just as horny as you do? Well, it’s true. They sit home, all by themselves, and think how terrific it would feel to hop into bed with someone. Just to relieve their horniness. Girls have a big thing today about Women’s Lib. They want the same privileges as men. To be able to make love and not have all the hang-ups that can develop.

I have talked to many fellows in colleges lately and they tell me it is becoming more and more difficult to satisfy many girls. Many girls are aggressive today, in some cases it scared the hell out of many of the fellows. In fact, we may be on the threshold of a sexual revolution.

As you are aware, many girls are now on the Pill, and this has changed the role of many in their attitudes towards sex. Most are looking for a good bed partner. If you read the statistics, 75% of girls between the ages of sixteen and thirty are on the Pill. So next time you’re wondering whether to try to pick up a certain girl, remember: it may be a long time since she’s been to bed with a man. She may be sexy, very sexy, right at that very moment!”

***

And…well…I think that excerpt speaks for itself. I have nothing to add. Excuse me, I am feeling sexy, very sexy, right at this moment. I think I’ll go hang out on the sidewalk and see who comes along…

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 15, 2009 9:02 pm

    Wow. Why would one assume that a lady doesn’t have a discerning bone in her lonely sexy body?

    It’s funny, this post makes me want to write the backside of each page of the brochure.

    Does that mean.. that I find this brochure… inspiring?? (oh yeah, provoking. that’s the backside of that statement.)

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