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What Are Your Chances?

October 16, 2009

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Part Nine: a very special dating brochure fell into my hands, and it was just too good to keep to myself.

As our brochure has pointed out, again and again, girls get lonely, girls get sexy, and girls are sitting ducks just waiting to be picked up. Girls on the sidewalk, girls at the deli, girls at the office and girls at the dance party. But sometimes, a man’s confidence needs a little extra bolstering, a more solid guarantee that he’s not about to be shot down. Of course, there are no guarantees in life, but when it comes to fragile things like one’s heart and one’s ego, if pays to assess:

WHAT ARE YOUR CHANCES?

“There is a shortage of men. Just ask girls and they will tell you in most cases, they work in a place where the women outnumber the men. So, a woman has to be competitive to reach the admiring glances of men. Almost every community in the country has a shortage of men. When you approach a girl, you are really doing her a favour.

Go anywhere and you’ll meet girls. Go to libraries, there you can meet single girls. You can always discuss what they are reading. Attend galleries and wait by a picture until a girl comes along that interests you. Say, “could you help me? What do you think of that painting?” Get your pen ready to write down her telephone number.

Try to pick up receptionists and secretaries. They are sitting ducks because they have to be pleasant to people in their offices. Go to bowling alleys, dances, or church. In fact, go anywhere at any time. This way you’ll vastly increase your chances.”

***

In other words, don’t be a shut-in hermit who never leaves his house and wonders why he doesn’t have a date. Instead, go outdoors and pick off the girls. Remember, secretaries and waitresses and receptionists and other ladies with employment are being paid to be kind!

***

“Traditionally, a woman without a man is a tragic figure. But a man without a woman, now that’s different. There is something romantic about the devil-may-care bachelor who, instead of making dates weeks in advance, instead prefers to pick up his next girl wherever he happens to be. Consequently, a woman is more anxious to pick up a man. A woman is over the hill at thirty-five. But, a bachelor of thirty-five may be just coming into his own, and is probably a “swinging bachelor”.

Most girls these days are very hip to the fact that if they want to meet a man, they are going to have to let themselves get picked up. The competition for men is murder. That’s why girls go to bars, parks and participate in other activities: to make themselves ready for the action!”

***

So true. It’s not like women actually enjoy activities, work, or socialising. The only reason we leave our homes is in hopes that a nice man might come along. Were it not for the anticipation of that grand event, we’d all just stay in with our cats and trackpants.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. October 19, 2009 7:35 am

    Being a man, I KNOW there is a shortage of men, but hence there are less dudes then madams, the chance that you snag a sharp one is also shorter.

    I know, because I had to evolve from moleman to where I’m now on the evolutionary ladder to work out the number flaws.

    It’s fun, I recommend it to every jerk. You’ll have to work on it guys, but trust me you’ll feel better afterwards.

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