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Get the Affair Going!

October 18, 2009

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Part Ten: a very special dating brochure fell into my hands, and it was just too good to keep to myself.

Expectations. Everyone has them. But, when it comes to dating, much gets made of what women allegedly want and what men are allegedly prepared to offer them. I’m not sure where this comes from. Is it real? Imagined? A sweeping generalisation we’ve come to accept, or believe exists, because we’ve been told women want to settle down and men want to evade commitment and structure? Something that rises like steam off a pool of miscommunication?

For instance:

WILL SHE LIVE WITH ME? A SIMPLE TEST:

“Let’s say you met a girl and you would like to have her live with you, but with no intentions of getting married. In other words, trying to get an affair going. There is a simple test you can try with her. The answers will tell you her inner thoughts. Ask her:

1. Have you decided against marriage and a family for the next couple of years?

2. Have you had a few lovers in the past that didn’t come up to your standards as far as a permanent relationship is concerned?

3. Do you enjoy the mental and physical comfort of a man wround, but fear the hang-ups of an overly dominating individual?

4. Have you ever felt there is more to sex than what you’ve experienced so far?

If her answer to most of these questions is yes, she needs a man. This test should not be given on the first date, but probably after you both have made love to each other a few times. This test is designed to eliminate uncertainty. Now, don’t expect her to answer yes right away to some of these questions in the test. You may only get a snicker or a smile, but as long as she hasn’t said a definite NO, keep on talking.”

***

That’s quite the list of questions, and it makes me scratch my head a little, wondering what the average (sincere) reader of this dating brochure would make of a lady’s answers. I suspect he would be muddled.

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