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T.W.S.S.

May 19, 2010

I have a friend, let’s call him K., and we play this game called “TWSS”. It’s lifted pure and simple from The Office, and involves nothing more complicated than shouting “that’s what she said!” at any and all even remotely double entendres. Even if things stall at single entendre, or un-intendre (heh), the champion is the one who can excavate the most subtle filth from the most innocent of things. The stupider, the better, much to the disdain and chagrin of those who expend large wads (twss) of time with us.

There is a second tier to this game, which is like an advanced-skill level for more experienced players (twss!). It involves anticipating when the other person might be in a meeting, on a date, spending time with his or her mother (twss), shopping at the supermarket, or otherwise located in a place where sudden Tourette’s-style exclamations or barking laughter is just not appropriate. Then, you send an email or text message with something so loaded with twss-opportunities that the recipient nearly gags on it (twss).

During dry spells (twss), we feed lines to each other (twss), to keep things interesting, and set each other up with really good ones. The worst offence of all, though, is missing a great opportunity, because of course, nothing gets past us, and we always see it coming (twss)!

Today, we upped the ante with the dare component. As in, “I dare you to do XYZ and see what the other person says!” Today, I am winning, but only if I accept the following challenge set out in a recent email exchange:

Me: So I have this super cute little memory stick, about the size of my fingertip…I poked it in the computer hole to try and save a Word file to it…at the office…and it won’t read…like the stick thing doesn’t exist…is it broken? Or probably just something like the office busted the USB holes so we can’t stick things in there unauthorised?

K.: …deep breath….deep breath…. THATS WHAT SHE SAID… ok. that was hard to read without barking that out like 5 times! Your hole might be disabled, maybe you need to prime it first? Or it might be different versions of Windows deal with holes and sticks differently.

Me: My hole is not supported by Windows? TWSS! Best part? My stick is nicknamed the Pony Stick! It says so right on the box it came in! (twss, at least three times)

K.: I suspect IT has made your hole not work as you are in the gov’t.

Me: What next? How do I fix my stick and hole?

K.: I will give you $10 to call IT and tell them you put your stick in the computer hole and nothing happened. is the hole broken? Honest, I would. But you’d need to record it so I could put it on the Internet.

Me: Hmmmmmm…

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