I Don’t Know Much But I Do Know Pie
Me: You’ll never guess what I did at the office today?
My Brother, The Accountant: Got fired?
Me: No! Guess again, stupid.
My Brother, The Accountant: Sent me some emails?
Me: Smartypants. Guess what else.
My Brother, The Accountant: I give up…
Me: Math! The real kind, not just adding this one onto that other one. Which is called “plus”, in case you didn’t know.
My Brother, The Accountant: Liar. You did no such thing.
Me: Totally did so! And, not only did I do math, I did it better than the last person who did it, and when I pointed out maybe that other math was the wrong sort of math, I was the one who was right! That means “correcter than the other person” in case you didn’t know.
My Brother, The Accountant: Are you sure? How do you know your numbers weren’t just different because you didn’t solve the problem correctly? That means “less right than the other person,” in case you didn’t know.
Me: Because, I’m not sure if you realise this, but I am something of a math expert. I just keep quiet about it, and covered my tracks by failing on purpose starting way back in Grade Ten.
My Brother, The Accountant: Huh, well this is a surprise. And here I thought your idea of doing math was eating 3.14.
My Brother, The Accountant: That’s pi, in case you didn’t know.
Me: Ohhhh right, I thought maybe you’d started reading the Bible. But that wouldn’t be a period, that would be a colon. And (pause) colon is also a word for bum, kinda like you!