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It’s Cold Outside

December 18, 2010

Sweet B’s new thing: sleeping on my pillow and generating a serious purr. I have four pillows. I put two on one side of the bed kinda like a nest. These are purely extras, and serve little purpose aside from making the bed feel complete. I’ve always thought it was creepy when a big bed has a pillow in the centre and the edges are vacant. The bed feels like when we believed the earth was flat—get too close and your head falls over the edge. Or, like it leaves space for the monsters under the bed to get a good grip on the sheets and hoist themselves up to sneak into your ears and give you bad dreams.

B tends to favour one sleep station for a couple weeks and spends her time frosting it with kitten fur then chooses a fresh one, presumably once the previous location in “used up”. Like how you think it’s time to get out of bed, but then you move your leg, like, three inches and magically discover a great new comfy position and end up loitering between the blankets awhile, until you use up that spot, too, and finally trundle off to shower. Previously, she slept jammed into the back of my knees and each morning I awoke furled into a muscle-destroying knot. Last week, she was “headphones” (curved over the top of my head with front legs covering one ear and back legs covering the other ear). The past three nights? Hogging the whole pillow completely.

Heh. Furry little jerk. Good thing she’s so cute. If she were a snake, I wouldn’t stand for this business.

In other news, I have started watching the new Hawaii Five-0. Right before I go to bed. This is not ok. It’s beyond awful. The show, as well as my routine. The dialogue and scenarios are so improbable and cliché the creators should be embarrassed. Last night, after one of the guys told someone her spouse was dead, they were riding back to headquarters in their foolishly fancy car and both detectives looked dejected and sad. The conversation really, truly went like this:

Danno: That was a rough one, buddy.

Other Guy: Yeah.

Danno: (insert story about his dad, the police officer, breaking similar news to a family)

Other Guy: (insert story about how his mom was killed and a police officer came to the door to tell the family, and he knew what the man was going to say just from the look on his face, and Other Guy and Other Guy’s Dad felt so bad for this policeman, because his duty was so tough)

Danno: I guess the day you get used to it is the day you hang it up.

Other Guy: Yeah.

This is dire. Winter has only just begun. THIS is why I need to meet someone: to save me from Danno, and to fill up the second pillow and help me mount a more effective defence to the struggle for territory presently being controlled by my cat.

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