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Drinking from the Garden Hose: Pros and Cons

August 5, 2011


1. it’s drinking from the garden hose! Come on! That’s just awesome!

2. the fact that you’re drinking from the hose means it’s so hot outside you’ve become desperate to rehydrate, and hot weather equals good weather

3. there’s probably also a good reason for not going inside and getting water in a cup like a normal person. That reason probably involves being dirty, messy, pool-soaked, sprinkler-soaked, or some other form of messy

4. if you’re not barred from going indoors because you’re too messy and will just mess up the house, then the reason you’re drinking from the garden hose probably involves a dare of some sort. And dares, usually, are pretty great

5. you can do that thing where you clamp your mouth around the opening in a tight seal, and it makes all the air whoosh out your nose, the pressure making your snort in that sort of involuntary way like how you have to hum into a kazoo but can’t think about doing it on purpose otherwise it does’t work…it’s just one of those things that has to happen on its own


1. it tastes like a garden hose

2. clanking your teeth against the metal part and making that awful tinny scrapey feeling

3. doing it wrong and water going up your nose

4. drinking too freely and abundantly from the garden hose and having to pee, but then remembering oh yeah…you were drinking from the hose because you were too (messy, sandy, soggy, grassy) to be in the kitchen getting water from a cup, so now you have to hold that garden hose pee till your swim suit passes inspection as dry enough, and your feet pass inspection as free from sandbox sand, and your ankles pass inspection as free from grass clippings, and that means you better head back into the pool and hope it’s just a thing some kid made up, about how when you pee in the pool there’s a chemical that reacts and surrounds the pee-er in a cloud of bright blue so everyone knows you just made a pool-pee


One Comment leave one →
  1. August 11, 2011 10:52 am

    “tastes like garden hose” should be a pro and not a con hehe

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